Then Pa said he would kick the liver out of
the proprietor of the rink, and he got up and steaded himself, and then he
tried to kick the man, but both heels went up to wonct, and Pa turned a
back summersault and struck right on his vest in front. I guess it knocked
the breath out of him, for he didn't speak for a few minutes, and then he
wanted to go home, and we put him in a street car, and he laid down on the
hay and rode home. O, the work we had to get Pa's clothes off. He had
cricks in his back, and everywhere, and Ma was away to one of the
neighbors, to look at the presents, and I had to put liniment on Pa, and I
made a mistake and got a bottle of furniture polish, and put it on Pa and
rubbed it in, and when Ma came home, Pa smelled like a coffin at a charity
funeral, and Ma said there was no way of getting that varnish off of Pa
till it wore off: Pa says holidays are a condemned nuisance anyway. He
will have to stay in the house all this week.
"You are pretty rough on the old man," said the grocery man, "after he has
been so kind to you and given you nice presents."
"Nice presents nothin. All I got was a 'Come to Jesus' Christmas card,
with brindle fringe, from Ma, and Pa gave me a pair of his old suspenders,
and a calender with mottoes for every month, some quotations from
scripture, such as 'honor thy father and mother,' and 'evil communications
corrupt two in the bush,' and a bird in the hand beats two pair.
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