Ma wanted my chum
and me to follow Pa and bring him home, and about dark we found him in the
door yard of a house where they have statues in front of the house, and he
grabbed me by the arm, and mistook me for another caller, and insisted on
introducing me to a marble statue without any clothes on. He said it was a
friend of his, and it was a winter picnic. He hung his hat on an
evergreen, and put his overcoat on the iron fence, and I was so mortified
I almost cried. My chum said if his Pa made such a circus of himself he
would sand bag him. That gave me an idea, and when we got Pa most home I
went and got a paper box covered with red paper, so it looked just like a
brick, and a bottle of tomato ketchup, and when we got Pa up on the steps
at home I hit him with the paper brick, and my chum squirted the ketchup
on his head, and we demanded his money, and then he yelled murder, and we
lit out, and Ma and the minister, who was making a call on her, all the
afternoon, they came to the door and pulled Pa in. He said he had been
attacked by a band of robbers, and they knocked his brains out, but he
whipped them, and then Ma saw the ketchup brains oozing out of his head,
and she screamed, and the minister said. 'Good heavens, he is murdered!'
and just then I came in the back door and they sent after the
doctor, and they put Pa on the lounge, and tied up his head with a towel
to keep the brains in, and Pa began to snore, and when the doctor came in
it took them half an hour to wake him, and then he was awful sick to his
stummick, and then Ma asked the doctor if he would live, and the doc.
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