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Peck, George W., 1840-1916

"Peck's Compendium of Fun"

She must be so healthy that nature's
roses will discount any preparation ever made by man, and so well-formed
that nothing artificial is needed to--well, Van, you know what I mean.
You want to pick out a thoroughbred, that is, all wool, a yard
wide--that is, understand me, I don't want the girl to be a yard wide, but
just right. Your Committee don't want to get "mashed" on some ethereal
creature whose belt is not big enough for a dog collar. This premium girl
wants to be able to do a day's work, if necessary, and one there is no
danger of breaking in two if her intended should hug her.
[Illustration: I WANT TO BE AN ANGEL.]
After your Committee have got their eyes on a few girls that they think
will fill the bill, then they want to find out what kind of girls they are
around their home. Find if they honor their fathers and their mothers, and
are helpful, and care as much for the happiness of those around them as
they do for their own. If you find one who is handsome as Venus--I don't
know Venus, but I have heard that she takes the cake--I say, if you find
one that is perfect in everything, but shirks her duties at home, and
plays, "I Want to Be an Angel," on the piano, while her mother is mending
her stockings, or ironing her picnic skirts, then let her go ahead and be
an angel as quick as she wants to, but don't give her the
machine.


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