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Peck, George W., 1840-1916

"Peck's Compendium of Fun"

Pa said it would be a good joke for me not to call him Pa, but
to act as though I was his younger brother, and we would have a
real nice time. I knowed what he wanted. He is an old masher, that's
what's the matter with him, and he was going to play himself for a
batchelor. O, thunder, I got on to his racket in a minute. He was
introduced to some of the girls and Saturday evening he danced till the
cows came home. At home he is awful fraid of rheumatiz, and he never
sweats, or sits in a draft; but the water just poured off'n him, and he
stood in the door and let a girl fan him till I was afraid he would
freeze, and just as he was telling a girl from Tennessee, who was joking
him about being 'a nold batch,' that he was not sure as he could always
hold out a woman hater if he was to be thrown into contact with the
charming ladies of the Sunny South. I pulled his coat and said, 'Pa how do
you spose Ma's hay fever is to-night, I'll bet she is just sneezing the
top of her head off.' Wall, sir, you just oughten seen that girl and Pa.
Pa looked at me as if I was a total stranger, and told the porter if that
freckled faced boot-black belonged around the house he had better be fired
out of the ball room, and the girl said 'the disgustin' thing!' and just
before they fired me I told Pa he had better look out or he would sweat
through his liver pad.


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