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Leacock, Stephen, 1869-1944

"Frenzied Fiction"

"
A murmur of complete satisfaction went round the group.
"I don't say," continued the Eminent Authority, "that
there wouldn't be other minor matters to adjust; but they
would be a mere detail. You ask me, for instance, for a
_milice_, or at least a gendarmerie, in the Albanian
hinterland; very good, I grant it you at once. You retain,
if you like, you abolish the Cypriotic suzerainty of the
Porte--all right. These are matters of indifference."
We all assumed a look of utter indifference.
"But what about the Dardanelles? Would you have them
fixed so that ships could go through, or not?" asked
Rapley.
He is a plain man, not easily put down and liking a plain
answer. He got it.
"The Dardanelles," said the Authority, "could easily be
denationalized under a quadrilateral guarantee to be made
a pars materia of the pactum foederis."
"That ought to hold them," I murmured.
The Authority felt now that he had pretty well settled
the map of Europe. He rose and shook hands with us all
around very cordially. We did not try to detain him. We
felt that time like his was too valuable to be wasted on
things like us.
"Well, I tell you," said Rapley, as we settled back into
our chairs when the Great Authority had gone, "my own
opinion, boys, is that the United States and England can
trim Germany and Austria any day in the week and twice
on Sunday.


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