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Leacock, Stephen, 1869-1944

"Frenzied Fiction"

I was afraid that he might start
fooling with it. One can't be too careful.
As a way of opening conversation I picked up the Cave-man's
club.
"Say," I said, "that's a great club you have, eh? By gee!
it's heavy!"
"Look out!" said the Cave-man with a certain agitation
in his voice as he reached out and took the club from
me. "Don't fool with that club! It's loaded! You know
you could easily drop the club on your toes, or on mine.
A man can't be too careful with a loaded club."
He rose as he said this and carried the club to the other
side of the cave, where he leant it against the wall.
Now that he stood up and I could examine him he no longer
looked so big. In fact he was not big at all. The effect
of size must have come, I think, from the great wolfskin
that he wore. I have noticed the same thing in Grand
Opera. I noticed, too, for the first time that the cave
we were in seemed fitted up, in a rude sort of way, like
a dwelling-room.
"This is a nice place you've got," I said.
"Dandy, isn't it?" he said, as he cast his eyes around.
"_She_ fixed it up. She's got great taste. See that mud
sideboard? That's the real thing, A-one mud! None of your
cheap rock about that.


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