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Leacock, Stephen, 1869-1944

"Frenzied Fiction"

We worked ours, too, as sympathetically as
we could.
"There is no other possible method in inductive science,"
he added, "than to embrace some hypothesis, the most
attractive that one can find, and remain with it--"
We nodded. Even in our own humble life after our day's
work we had found this true.
"Now," said the Professor, planting himself squarely in
front of us, "assuming a spherical form, and a spacial
content, assuming the dynamic forces that are familiar
to us and assuming--the thing is bold, I admit--"
We looked as bold as we could.
"Assuming that the _ions_, or _nuclei_ of the atom--I
know no better word--"
"Neither do we," we said.
"That the nuclei move under the energy of such forces,
what have we got?"
"Ha!" we said.
"What have we got? Why, the simplest matter conceivable.
The forces inside our atom--itself, mind you, the function
of a circle--mark that--"
We did.
"Becomes merely a function of pi!"
The Great Scientist paused with a laugh of triumph.
"A function of pi!" we repeated in delight.
"Precisely. Our conception of ultimate matter is reduced
to that of an oblate spheroid described by the revolution
of an ellipse on its own minor axis!"
"Good heavens!" we said.


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