It is therefore with the greater regret that I communicate
the event; and you are not unacquainted with my inducements to it.
In many things I am indeed unhappy in possessing a singularity of
taste; particularly unhappy when that taste differs in any thing from
yours. But we cannot control necessity, though we often persuade
ourselves that certain things are our choice, when in truth we have
been unavoidably impelled to them. In the instance I am going to
relate, I shall not examine whether I have been governed by mere
fancy, or by motives of expediency, or by caprice; you will probably
say the latter.
My dear Theo., arm yourself with all your fortitude. I know you have
much of it, and I hope that upon this occasion you will not fail to
exercise it. I abhor preface and preamble, and don't know why I have
now used it so freely. But I am well aware that what I am going to
relate needs much apology _from_ me, and will need much _to_ you. If I
am the unwilling, the unfortunate instrument of depriving you of any
part of your promised gayety or pleasure, I hope you are too generous
to aggravate the misfortune by upbraiding me with it. Be assured (I
hope the assurance is needless), that whatever diminishes your
happiness equally impairs mine. In short, then, for I grow tedious
both to you and myself; and to procrastinate the relation of
disagreeable events only gives them poignancy; in short, then, my dear
Theo.
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