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Various

"Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 152, March 21, 1917"

'
"And as for the sheer destruction of noble and ancient fanes
Which the prejudiced Hun-hater indignantly arraigns,
The simple truth compels me in honesty to state
That the style of some ruined buildings was utterly second-rate.
"But to quit these trivial matters--let weaklings wail and weep,
The loss of a few cathedrals will never affect my sleep--
What lifts this Armageddon to an altitude sublime
Is the crowning fact that it gave me a perfectly glorious time.
"As an ultra-neutral observer I entered the battle zone
And emerged unmoved, unshaken, with a heart as cool as a stone;
No sight could touch or daunt me, no sound my soul untune;
From pity or tears or sorrow I still remained immune.
"I own that before my arrival I felt an occasional qualm
Lest the shock of the unexpected might shatter my wonted calm;
But it gave me the richest rapture to find I was wholly free
From the crude and vulgar emotions that harass the plain V.C.
"I inspected the great war-engine, and, instead of its going strong,
I saw that in each of its workings there was always something wrong;
In fact, with the old black powder and the obsolete Brown Bess
The chances of missing your target were infinitely less.
"The so-called arm of precision scores only by lucky hits,
Though the 'heavies' and high explosives may possibly blow you to bits;
I saw one corpse on my 'joy-ride,' the head had been blown away,
And the thought of this painless ending produced in me no dismay.


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